Words Are Like Weapons - They Wound…
A short time back I sat with a participant of Craig’s Table, it was easy to see in the way the person was sitting that there was much going on and that what ever was troubling her was going to need to be gifted as much time and space and tissues as was possible.
First there were a few tears. This was followed by a few sobs. I got up put a do not enter sign on the office door and closed it. Then came the real flood of tears and the hand clenching, the came the release of shoulder and neck tension as the crying came deeper and faster.
I handed her tissues, the crying slowed to sobs and then the sobs turned to controlled breathing.
To give her some space I made cups of tea and allowed her to compose herself again.
In workers compensation all that is measured is “inability” all that is asked for and asked about are restrictions, “what is your upper limit” what is your sitting ability” what is your medical capacity” and then these restrictions are used to contain and control.
These restrictions are then turned against a person “for not trying enough”
The person who was sitting across from me had been soaring with the eagles so to speak, in her non-compensable life a myriad of happy events had been coming into place, family life was settling for the first time in numerous years. Her world was back under her control and she was calm, she was sleeping, she was removing much of the excess weight that had crept on due to medication and inactivity. Her physical workplace injuries had reached maximum medical outcome and we were working on her emotional/mental workplace/non-workplace emotional injuries. All in all, things were moving towards an outcome that this person had set for herself and her immediate family and to a smaller extent her extended family. There was indeed much to look forward to.
Then came the crushing words from a person who should have known better “you just need to let all of that cxxx go, we don’t care about stuff you are not being paid to think about, you just have to go back to your job.”
The person who said these words most likely did not mean to be harsh or critical, it was in many ways what this person needed to hear, just not in the tones that were used, and not on the day that was the anniversary of this person’s workplace injury.
The razor edge reminder of her “brokenness” due to the workplace injury and the subsequent mental/emotional roller coaster ride due to so many factors was more than she could cope with. She told me that she wasn’t clear if the appointment had ended or if she had walked out, she just knew that she needed to reach high ground and she needed safety.
All the years of negative input had finally reached breaking point, our conversation was filled with all manner of drama and false hope and oversight came to the overspill point and needed to be set free.
The professional provider knew that there was no job to return to, there was only new employment to look for, the professional provider knew that everything was being done in order to gain new employment by the person herself and that not one job search had been done by the professional provider.
So much of what the professional provider said was unnecessary: I pause here to acknowledge that I was not present during the conversation that had shattered the person who was now sitting in my office: the comments the critique served only to remind the person that she was broken and if she didn’t do something about it she was destined for the scrap heap of humanity because no one would ever want her.
This type of conversation goes on far too often and far too many times all it adds is another layer of self-doubt and self-berating and destroys all the micro steps that have been put in place to assist and build belief in self and ability in self.
We all need to be very aware of what we say and the way we speak and cease the oppressive and destructive use of words that are filled with blame and guilt and destruction.
Not once during the conversation with the professional was this person asked about the future plans that had been discussed at the previous meeting; the plans included options that are open and available and more important achievable within a known timeframe.
All I ask is that when a conversation must be had that it is done so in a mindful and respectful manner, when possible place yourself in the shoes of the other person, hear what you have to say whilst knowing the impact your words will have. There is far too much angst in workers compensation that has no place and no need to be there. Please select your words carefully.
Yours in service
Rosemary
Rosemary
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